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Rowan Dean

Satirist

Rowan Dean writes on Media & Marketing specialising in Advertising, TV, Publishing. Rowan is a columnist for the Financial Review. Connect with Rowan on Twitter.

September

The Powerless List: once you are on it, it’s hard to get off

The Power List does not tell you that fame and influence are also revolving doors. Or is that sliding doors?

Why James Bond’s new tipple is a vegan martini affogato

Can 007’s highly trained diversity and inclusion instincts save him from the traps left by the world’s supervillains?

Vacuous, made-up nonsense in royal TV coverage? One just shudders

Filling in weeks of rolling royal coverage would bring out the breathless airhead in just about all of us.

I wish King Charles well. But like many, I will hold my breath

Will my passionate belief in our constitutional monarchy be able to overcome my antipathy towards this unpleasant man?

Why radical protesters booed our most progressive PM off the stage

Some ‘mature aged students’ joined in the jeering chorus at Sydney University this week.

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August

Wanted: high-level summit to fill nation’s most urgent vacancies

Unless these top 10 job categories are filled, Australia’s economy will implode into an inflationary spiral and sink into the Pacific. Or something like that.

Hollywood turns to ScoMo for its man of 1000 faces

It’s political genius. Turn yourself into replacement ministers to clean up your own political messes!

Grease goes green: oversexed tribal teenagers acting sustainably

The 1978 script would be off to HR faster than greased lightning. Here’s the 2022 version rewritten for the times.

July

Britain’s wackiest race under way as Downing Street beckons

No-hopers and never-heard-of-thems get ready to take on the Tory Party’s brightest stars as Boris Johnson steps down as prime minister.

Round the bend, stuck on the beach in a town like Alice

It is time to start bringing Australia’s much-loved but dead white male authors into the modern world. Nevil Shute’s 1953 “In the Wet” is good place to start.

June

‘I didn’t invade Ukraine’ joins the great excuses of world history

Need a good reason for why the dog ate your homework? There is a grand historic lineage you can turn to!

Shivering through global heating? Here’s a survival guide.

Frozen into immobility and can’t leave the house? Here are some things to do on a chilly June weekend.

In the corridors of power, key operatives move quickly into place

The machinery of government is now safe in the hands of a new breed of impartial scholar-mandarin.

May

Hi Janie, what a shock! Did I tell you we voted teal?

Liberal Senator Jane Hume is co-leading an inquiry into the Coalition’s loss. This is what is coming in.

Pale green females and other monkeypox infections

As Australians go to the polls, a terrifying and mysterious new pandemic has popped up out of the blue right on cue, terrifying luvvies around the world.

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The electoral agony aunt for dazed and confused conservatives

Why do Liberals spend too much? Why are teals so rich? Why isn’t Tanya Plibersek the leader of anything? It’s hard being a voter out there.

Lots of hands on the wheel in Labor’s road to nowhere

Come on a Labor family road trip with no map, no petrol, and no clue on the highway to net zero.

April

Net zero climate policy is not dead. It’s just pining for the fjords.

It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, it’s shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! Is it really an ex-policy?

Scotty Potter and the Dementors in the electoral chamber of doom

Can Professor Crosbybore and Josh the Magician with the billions keep the young wizard’s foot out of his mouth?

Labor’s Albo 2.0 moonshot: transforming an ageing lefty into a PM

One of the biggest infrastructure projects in political history will inject 400 tonnes of raw economic data to seal up gaps in the leadership facade against the escape of gaffes.